Roller Coaster – Straight from the horse’s mouth
I came across an interesting article the other day and I really wanted to share my thoughts on it.
“10 easy ways to deal with me when I’m being a bitch” on Huffpo
I’ll give you some highlights:
10. Don’t resist it
I know how complicated women are — trust me, I’m living proof of this. But if there’s anything I’ve learned about men, it’s that the more I’m accepted for exactly who I’m being in this moment, the more I change and morph and melt into something more accepting myself.
Women are emotional creatures. Have you noticed that they are happy and for no reason they get upset just to get happy again? And no I’m not talking about a crazy person, just a normal healthy woman. They ride the Wonkavator ™, who knows where they will end up. The best thing we can do is be the foundation, solid as a rock.
8. Know that it’s not really about what it’s about
When I’m being a bitch, we’re in Emotion Land. We left Logic Land long ago and as much as you may lament its absence, that ship has sailed (right on over the tsunami). I may be crying hysterically ‘because’ you forgot to call, or sniping at you ‘because’ you forgot to buy the right kind of milk. But it’s not really about that. In other words, it’s not really about what it’s ‘about.’
Personally this is one of the hardest things for men to do. We are doers. We are problem solvers. We are list makers, then list checker offers. When Our woman comes to us with a problem we want to solve it as, “Well, I think that you should tell your boss that sally is doing…” When we talk to each other this is what we want and what we expect from other men. “I’m having a problem with the valve clearance on my motorcycle”. I’d expect a troubleshooting response. “ Have you tried this? What about that?” I instinctively fall into this with women and it’s a struggle for me to shut up and just ride it out. You CAN’T fix her problem, she just wants to enjoy the roller coaster of emotions.
6. When I act like a child, think of me like a child
Half the time when I’m being a bitch, it is exactly the same as when a 3-year-old is wigging out because s/he’s sleep-deprived. There is no logical reason for the behavior — it’s a physiological reaction. As adults, we assume we’re all capable of being normal, rational beings all the time.We’re not. Especially not those of us with riotously, spectacularly, outlandishly fluctuating hormones.Seriously, when I’m whining or bitching or complaining seemingly just for the sake of it, picture me as a tiny little girl in a tiny little dress with a tiny little diaper and a tiny little face red from bawling, who is upset that you just gave her the wrong milk. How seriously do you take that toddler? How much compassion do you have for her?
This one is hilarious, and has helped me not to get sucked into the emotional vortex that occasionally is a woman. For those of you that are fathers you can certainly relate to this concept. Try putting yourself in this mindset next time your SO acts like a child.
3. Take care of yourself
You don’t always have to put up with my crap. Just because I’m in a bad mood doesn’t mean you’re responsible for it — or for fixing it. As my man, I expect you to give me attention and put energy into the relationship, but I don’t expect either 24/7.
You are, in fact, a whole separate being with your own experiences and needs and responsibilities. And your first responsibility is to yourself: If you can’t handle it or don’t have the energy or just don’t want to deal with me in a certain moment, don’t.
DO NOT sacrifice yourself or your truth just to make me ‘happy.’ It doesn’t work, anyway — you usually get resentful that you tried to help and it didn’t fly. I’d much rather you take care of yourself in the moment and have space for me later than overextend yourself now and blame me for it later.
Ding Ding Ding!!! This was the money maker for me. There have been countless articles, blog posts etc about women trying to change their men into something different, and often women can wrap up their whole identity into the man they are with. If we become brow beaten and complacent and not pay attention to ourselves then we not only let ourselves down but also our family.
Rule #1 – Be Attractive
Rule #2 – Don’t be Unattractive
Rule #3 – Lift
Till next we meet. Stay Superior!