Why I Stopped Having Sex (And 10 Reasons You Should Too)

The Subtle of Art of Not Fucking At All

I have a confession to make: I haven’t had sex in over two years.

You’re probably wondering what’s wrong. Is it because I can’t get a woman? Did some bitch damage me for all relationships? Or maybe do I have erectile dysfunction? Am I crazy? Why the hell would any guy go that long without sex?

Answers: I get regular opportunities for sex, I love women, my cock is in great shape (thanks for asking), and I’m happier and healthier than ever.

So then what the hell? Why would I give up one of life’s greatest pleasures?

The reason I haven’t had sex in two years is because I’ve chosen to be temporarily celibate.

What is Celibacy?

The simplest definition of celibacy is “abstaining from sexual activity.” The word celibate is slightly confusing because it’s often conflated with religious requirements like sexual abstinence before or outside of marriage, vowing permanent sexual renunciation like a nun, or being someone who lacks the interest or capacity to have sex altogether.

In reality, celibacy is something that all humans practice in one way or another throughout their adult lives. For example, the average married couple in America has sex once a week, which means they’re celibate a surprising 313 days out of every year. And singles are even more so.

There are a variety of reasons why people are celibate. Timing is a big issue for couples – especially when children are involved. Some men haven’t yet learned the skills to give female orgasms and so their women are unmotivated. Many couples abstain during the woman’s time of the month. Multiple religions have certain sexual restrictions. And none of this includes the myriad physical, mental and relationship issues that may be preventing sexual intimacy.

Considering how often we’re not having sex, it’s downright overwhelming how much time our modern culture spends thinking about it. Certainly our modern media is obsessed. Today, let’s spend some time looking at the non-sexual side of the equation. Outliers and extremists aside, there are three basic types of celibacy for healthy men.

The Three Categories of Celibacy

Involuntary Celibacy

This group consists of men who are struggling to get laid without success. WASM will be doing several articles in the near future on how to be sexual catnip to women so stay tuned. However, if you need some information right away head over to Scot McKay’s website and sign up for his great free newsletter. Scot has some of the best material on the internet for becoming a powerfully attractive man with solid character who has his choice of women for sex and relationships.

Temporary Voluntary Celibacy

These men have decided for various reasons to abstain sexually for a period of time. This can range from a married man choosing to not initiate sex with his wife, to a single man taking a break from the dating scene, all the way to a Russian hermit living in the Siberian wilderness.

The vast majority of humans have biological sexual drives so any healthy decision to be celibate should allow for that fact. Married men can go for a while without sex but sooner or later both he and his wife will need intercourse to be satisfied. Single men can avoid dating for periods of time but it often makes them reclusive and bitter. And hermits, Buddhist monks and other ascetics can find enlightenment through self-denial but generally if they wait too long their health and well-being will suffer.

Permanent Celibacy

The final category consists of men who are never allowed to have sex for religious or so-called “moral reasons.” History shows us that because sex is a biological imperative for our species, denying that impulse is not only practically impossible it is almost always dangerous. The mandated celibacy for Catholic priests was a perfect example. Over the centuries there have been untold thousands of illegitimate children born to priests, hundreds of horrible abuse scandals and millions of individuals who have been permanently scarred – all because the church refused to accept basic biology.

Religious and spiritual beliefs form an ethical foundation for billions of people around the world but sexuality is a component of every human on the planet. If science and faith are to co-exist successfully there cannot be a denial of our fundamental physiological needs.

The Benefits of Temporary Celibacy

Okay, so if Involuntary and Permanent Celibacy aren’t good options and Temporary Celibacy is only a short-term situation, why would I (and thousands of other men) still choose to be single? Actually, there’s a lot of good reasons.

1. It’s a Good Financial Investment

You’re going to spend money to get a woman and even more money to keep her. Dates are an expenditure and if you want to keep attraction alive you need to be dating. Looking-good also costs money – as does keeping your apartment or house in good repair, having a dependable car, decent furnishings, and, of course, delicious food. And none of that covers gifts, trips, flowers and all the other little things that romance requires. Women are hard-wired to want a provider and if you don’t provide she won’t stay. However, if there’s no woman in your life you will suddenly have a lot more money to invest in the things you want.

2. More Time To Do Whatever You Want To Do

Women take time. The closer you are to them, the more time they need. Time to spend with them. Time to do the things they want you to do (ie. Tasks around the house). Time to work on your relationship. Time to help their friends and family. If you’re not in a sexual relationship you may suddenly find you have many extra stress-free hours every week.

3. Less Commitment Required

Women will almost always want to see you again after you have sex, regardless of what your ‘relationship status’ is. Are you ready to see her again soon? Maybe tomorrow? And if you are, how far do you want to go? Do you see long-term potential with this girl?

If you’re not having sex, you can easily hang out with multiple women with limited blowback. In fact, if you’re dating several women while looking for a long-term girlfriend I highly recommend platonic dating. Sure, once you find a great girl feel free to shag her rotten, but if you’re banging three or four girls while you’re looking, be ready for some serious fireworks in your very near future.

4. More Emotional Freedom

If you do decide to have sex with a girl, you’re going to end up spending a lot time processing her emotional states and dealing with your emotional responses. It’s actually very important to do this BUT it takes stress and hard work. Being celibate frees up all that mental energy for you to invest in your own projects and goals.

5. It May Be More Honest

How many guys fuck a woman and then immediately want to bail? Answer: A lot of them. If a guy only wants sex and nothing else, the right thing to do is to make sure she knows ahead of time that you’re only in it for the pussy. (Btw, if you do decide to go this route, props on your honesty but good luck getting her into bed)

Personally, I’ve slept with too many women I didn’t really like that much. Sure they were fun and cute but I knew I wasn’t interested in anything more than a few drinks, a few laughs and some booty. With girls like that, the second sex was over I was ready to leave. Sometimes I stayed (even though I wanted to leave) and sometimes I left. Either way, it’s a pretty shitty thing to do.

6. Way Less Drama

Women say what they feel but those feelings could change 180° by tomorrow – or even an hour from now. Let’s say you decide to have sex and she assures you that she absolutely doesn’t want a relationship. The insane truth is that her promise only means she doesn’t want a commitment RIGHT NOW. It means NOTHING about the future. If you go on a date and she feels strong feelings for you, if you show her a good time and make her brain and her body happy, she’s going to want more of that. Spending time with a Superior Man is a drug for a woman and she’ll need another hit. Soon. And druggees are not known for being drama-free.

7. It Will Probably Be Less Hurtful To Her Heart

Girls generally get attached after sleeping with a guy and if you’re not ready to commit it can crush her. If she’s high on all those happy dopamine- and oxytocin-induced feelings after a week of great sex with you, when you drop the hammer on her she’s going to feel like…well, like she got a hammer dropped on her. Breaking things off with a girl you’re not banging is uncomfortable but WAY easier than the alternative. Plus the odds of your car being keyed go way down.

8. No Unwanted Pregnancy (Or Paternity Suits)

If you’re not having sex, you’re not having kids before you’re ready. Also, no baby-momma drama, no shotgun weddings, no child-support, no split-family chaos and no TMZ specials. Life is 1000% easier.

9. Independence

Sex comes with oversight. Unless it’s a one-night stand, the woman you’re sleeping with is going to want to coordinate your activities, your time, your other relationships – in short, everything in your life. It is true that a Superior Man will have no problem setting good boundaries for his woman. Ultimately, however, if you’re in a relationship you’re now part of a team and every team decision must be run through the committee. The only way you can order your life however you want is to be single and celibate.

10. Allows you the opportunity to focus on yourself, not on your woman (or women in general)

For those of us who are still building the foundation for our lives, having extra time, money, energy and a peaceful, stress-free environment can be the keys to changing everything. Superior Men know that they are the leaders of their home, their relationship and their family, but sometimes because of various gaps in their upbringing those men don’t have all the skills or resources they need to perform as head-of-household. Taking a period of time away from sexual relationships gives men the opportunity to get their lives under control and prepare for a great future.

Before a caterpillar can turn into a butterfly, it must enter a chrysalis – a protective, nourishing shell – where it waits and builds its strength away from the outside world. This process takes patience and pain but eventually, after enough time has passed and enough work has been accomplished, the adult butterfly breaks out of the shell and emerges transformed.

More than any other benefit, celibacy gives a man a chance to reset his biology, clear his head of all drama and to emerge from his chrysalis with vision and purpose. Having sex with an amazing woman is a spectacular benefit to being alive. It’s one of the greatest joys in life. Ironically, spending time without sex is one of the best ways to make sure that when he does have sex it’s the best it can possibly be.

Why I Am Currently Celibate

I’ve chosen to be temporarily celibate and honestly it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Since becoming celibate I’ve started lifting weights seriously for the first time, I’ve gotten a raise and more leadership opportunities at work, I’ve started a business, and – strangely – I’m more attractive to women than ever (it could be the new beard).

But the best benefit is that I feel at peace with my own sexuality in a way I never did before. I treat women better now. I appreciate them a lot more. My relationship with porn has improved. I’m more honest and open with other people’s sexuality as well. It feels like removing sex from my life has given me so much more appreciation for the other things I have – like a blind man whose other senses are now heightened.

If you’re having issues with your sexuality, your relationships with women or your life in general, I recommend that you try voluntary celibacy for a week or two. Not getting any might end up giving you exactly what you’re looking for.

Stay Superior my friends!


Title photo courtesy of Aziz Acharki via Unsplash

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Jathan
Jathan is passionate about helping create a community of great men. He enjoys beautiful women, altered states and Monty Python jokes. He lives in San Diego with two cats and a lot of books. Email him anytime at [email protected]