This last weekend some of us guys were drinking beer and telling stories about the women in our lives. “Wait, wait, wait,” Daryl* said. (Not his real name) He pulled out his phone and showed it around the table. “Check it out, man. You gotta see this.” Daryl handed me his phone and on the screen was a stunning brunette with a playful, naughty little smile. “This girl,” he said, “is my co-worker. We’ve been dating a little bit. Guys, I’m in so much trouble.” After looking at a few more pics I forced myself to pass the phone back. I agreed he was in trouble. But the more Daryl talked the more I realized he wasn’t just playing with fire. He was dousing himself in gasoline and juggling with torches.
The sexy-secretary is a universal fantasy. The office fling. The back room blowjob. Ass-prints on the copier. Doing it on the CEO’s desk. It’s fun, it’s exciting, it’s dangerous. Every guy has thought about dating a co-worker. Many of us have done it. Unfortunately, the fantasy invariably turns into a nightmare. Read on to find the top 10 reasons why you should never, ever dip your pen in the company ink.
The Top 10 Reasons You Should Never Date a Co-Worker
1. You’re going to break up and then you’ll have to work with your ex
We know she’s hot. Of course she is. Plus she’s kinky in ways you didn’t even know existed. But honestly, realistically, what are the odds you’ll get married to this girl? Approximately 0.002%. Which means there’s approximately a 99.998% chance your work life is going to get very shitty in the near future.
2. One way or another, other women are going to get jealous
If you follow the guidelines and are actively working on becoming a Superior Man, it’s a guarantee that a couple of girls in the office will like you. If you only date one of them the others are going to feel rejected. But it goes further than that. Even if the other women have no interest in you, office politics will soon take over. “How come SHE gets to work on that project?” “You never let ME leave early!” “It’s obvious she’s only getting that client because she’s sleeping with him.” Congratulations, you just created Bitchfest 2018 in your own backyard and invited every female in the office.
3. You’re going to fuck up the office vibe
Even if you and your office girl really like each other there’s gonna be bad days. When those times happen your drama will affect your co-workers and sooner or later they will blame you for the uncomfortable tension in the break room (and the sales call, and the board meeting, and the Christmas party)….
A good reputation is one of the most valuable things a man can have. This is never more true than at your office. One of the biggest reasons you should never date a co-worker is that when you inevitably break up your reputation will take a permanent hit. It sucks. It’s unfair. People should just mind their own business. Sadly, most people’s lives are boring and office gossip is too delicious and irresistible to ignore for long.
4. If she dumps you, some people (especially women) will start treating you worse
It’s a law of nature: The king of the beasts doesn’t get beat up by a woman and remain the king. If she makes you look like a loser in front of everyone, be prepared for others to do the same in the very near future.
5. If you dump her and hook up with another girl at work you’ll get a rep as a manwhore
Granted, being known as the office playboy does give you a certain appeal to some women. Unfortunately, after you date one co-worker many women will naturally assume that you’re considering them as future targets and distance themselves from you both personally and professionally. Since women make up close to 50% of the work force this kind of reputation can severely handicap you.
6. Broken hearts inspire revenge
Even if you dump her and don’t date anyone else, some people will still hate you for breaking her heart. Let’s say it doesn’t work out between you two so you let her down easy. Guess what? She’s still hurt and she’s going to need a good man-hating session with at least one of her office gal pals over drinks. Probably several gals. Even a single woman with an agenda can ruin your life so it’s pretty obvious you don’t want a group of them devoted to your downfall.
Your reputation is important but your feelings are important too. So are hers. Think about that before you start messing around with the big breasted receptionist – or that shy little CPA.
7. When she dates other people there’s not a damn thing you can do about it
It can suck to be on the receiving end of jealousy but it’s a hundred times worse to be the one who’s jealous. You’ll have to sit there day after day watching her happily calling, texting and laughing while you feel like a used condom. If she’s in the cubicle next to you good luck concentrating on anything much less producing quality work. And God help you if she decides to date one of the guys in your company.
8. She can’t deal with the pain
The flipside of the above situation is equally true. Let’s say this girl really falls hard for you and you move on. What are the odds she’s going to be cool seeing you everyday flirting with other girls? Or, even more difficult for her, what if she gets labeled as the “office slut”? Social stigma is incredibly difficult for most women. After a work relationship fails it’s very possible she will be so overwhelmed she’ll have to request a transfer or even quit. Do you really want that on your conscience?
9. She really can’t deal with the pain
Women in relationships are batshit crazy. Sure your secretary is currently cute, funny and loves to drag you into the supply closet so she can “assess your inventory.” But when she hears a nasty rumor about you and the new girl in marketing, you’ll never believe how fast that sweet, sexy little minx can transform into a stapler-wielding psychopath.
And, of course, the grand-daddy of all the reasons you should never date a co-worker:
10. The possibility of a Sexual Harassment lawsuit
Unless you’ve been living as a hermit in Greenland, you know how badly things can go for men who aren’t keeping themselves 100% in control at all times. All it takes is one extra glass of wine, one moment of confusion, one wrong move at the wrong time in the wrong place. A Superior Man knows abuse is never okay. Cruelty is always wrong. We must always have the highest standards for ourselves with our women. The problem is that we make mistakes sometimes. We say the wrong thing, we do the wrong thing, we slip, we suggest, we infer and we assume. We try to go for the gold and sometimes we go too far.
Good communication is the cornerstone of every relationship. We keep talking, we keep listening, we keep working towards understanding. But none of us are perfect. Many of us are still learning how to read our women, to know when and where to push her outside of her comfort zone so she feels challenged and yet still safe. A long-term relationship with a girlfriend or wife gives the kind of opportunities for us to learn how to set up those parameters so when we make mistakes she doesn’t freak out.
But a short-term fling in the office doesn’t allow you to build a solid foundation of communication. It’s too easy to go out for a work dinner, misread her cues, think she’s into you, try to kiss her and find yourself out of a job the next day. It’s too easy to have consensual sex only to find out later that her last boss raped her and your experience triggered her PTSD. It’s too easy to drink too much, dance too close, touch too much and find yourself on the front page of Google News.
There are millions and millions of gorgeous, fun, sexy, smart, interesting women in the workplace. Just don’t look for them at YOUR workplace. Don’t cover yourself in gasoline and juggle with torches. It’s just not worth the risk!