The First Date

Alright you’re finally ready to get out there and meet some great women. You’ve already signed up at eHarmony, Nerdpassions, or maybe Clowndating (because you really like a girl in makeup), you’ve emailed a few prospects and hey the cute brunette with the huge shoes is excited to meet you! Awesome. But wait, you just remembered you suck at dating. Now what are you supposed to do?

For a lot of guys learning how to master the first date can be challenging and maybe even a little overwhelming. Never fear, we’ve got you covered. Read on to learn how to make your first date easy, fun, and most importantly, efficient.


Mindset

Whether your goal is to find a wife, a friend with benefits or even just quick shag in your van down by the river, the first thing you need to think about is the odds. Just like any sales gig, dating is a numbers game. Most of the women you meet aren’t going to fit your criteria for one reason or another. Some women will be too shy for you, some too outgoing. Some will be too high-maintenance, some not enough. Many of them won’t have enough in common with you. Their religious, political or sexual attitudes may conflict with yours. And we haven’t even mentioned whether they’re physically attractive to you.

Because of the sheer volume of potential partners that are out there, the purpose of your first date should be to quickly and inexpensively determine whether or not you the two of you are compatible. The chances of your first date becoming love and a relationship are very, very low. This means you’re going to be going on a lot of dates before you find a great partner. The faster you can sort through the available women, the faster you can find a girl who is going to make your life amazing.

Here are some ground rules to maximize your dating efficiency.

Keep it Short

You’ll quickly find out if this girl isn’t the one for you – especially if you’re asking the right questions (see below). We recommend designing all of your first dates to be 30 minutes or less. If you find out she doesn’t wear deodorant because it’s bad for the environment, you don’t want to be stuck in traffic with her on the way to the fancy restaurant. If you plan for a short date you can easily end it if things aren’t working out. Plus you can always extend the date if you two really hit it off. Coffee dates, drinks at a nearby bar and meeting for ice cream are all great options.

Keep it Inexpensive

Because you’re going to be going on a bunch of dates, the cost factor can add up quickly if you’re not savvy. For this reason we recommend spending as little as possible for Date #1. Remember, this isn’t an evening out, it’s a quick interview to determine attraction and compatibility. 

Make Sure It’s Public

Women are hyper aware of their safety – and they should be. Not all men are good guys like you are. For her peace of mind, choose a public place for your date. Walks in the woods are romantic but you should wait until after she trusts you to get her alone.

Choose An Interesting Venue

If you both love coffee don’t choose Starbucks for your first date. They may have good frappuccinos but the shops are all the same. Instead, choose a unique local coffee shop in the coolest part of town and meet her there. Not only will you have instant conversation starters, if things are going well you can always have her bring her drink and wander with her to check out the neat shops nearby. Wherever you go, make sure it has some intrigue to it.

Prepare Some Good Conversation

Woman want a man who is good at communication and for her the first date will be a test of your ability to carry on a decent conversation. If you haven’t already this is a great time read How To Talk To Women Parts 1-3. Once you’re caught up, write down some good conversation starters for your date. Ask her questions that are fun and interesting. Find out her favorite hobbies, what kind of movies and music she likes, places she’s visited (or wants to visit), her favorite wine/drinks, etc. Listen and pay close attention to her answers. If you want a partner to go running with and she only prefers indoor activities, you two may not be compatible.

It’s also important to keep the conversation light. Too many men spoil their chances with a girl by immediately launching into all the drama, suffering and chaos in their lives. Skip this stuff entirely. Your goal should be to get her talking, laughing and having fun. Never complain to a woman and especially not on a date. It’s a surefire recipe for a night alone with the lotion bottle.

Finding Out If She’s Into You

If you’ve read and absorbed all of the material in our Sexual Magnetism series up to this point women will be attracted to you. Fun, interesting, confident men who are good listeners and comfortable with their sexuality are rare and valuable. But the truth is that not every woman is going to like you. So how do you determine which ones do and which don’t? The best way to figure out if your date is digging you is to learn female Indicators of Interest (IOIs).

We’ll go further into depth on IOIs in our next article The Second Date but for now here’s a quick list of behaviors from Pualingo.com that will demonstrate she’s picking up what you’re putting down:

  • Extended eye contact with you
  • She touches her hair or face (unconscious self-check)
  • Warm body language and leaning into you
  • Touching you in any way
  • Complying with any request you give her
  • Telling you she likes something about you
  • Licking her lips (unconscious preparation for kissing)

The more of these IOIs you see, the better you’re doing with her. Keep it up!

Be Sexual, Don’t Be Neutered

Not only does a women want you to touch her, she’s looking forward to it! In addition to IOIs, we’ll also dig deeper into both flirting and touching a woman (aka “kino”) in our next article. For now just focus on the fact that she wants contact. Keep your eyes open during your first date for appropriate opportunities. Some options include: a hug at the beginning of a date; teasing her until she smacks your hand or arm; playfighting; palm reading; thumb wars; and many others.

Women don’t want a nice, neutered, boring guy. They want a man that will challenge them, push their buttons and get them excited. In order to do this it’s important that you flirt and escalate things physically. If you don’t do it on the first date, you probably won’t get a second.

The End of the Date

Let’s assume the date went great. You went to coffee, hung out for a full half-hour and both you and your date enjoyed yourselves. The date was designed to be short and it worked. Unless you both have the next hour or so free, it’s important you leave as quickly as possible after the date. Don’t just linger. Be busy. Live your life. Let her realize you have other things going besides her. She may be cute and fun but if a woman learns she’s your number one priority in life, her attraction for you will disappear like a mirage in the desert.

If the date went well, tell her you had a great time and that you’ll call or text her soon. If the date was anything less than excellent, tell her some variation of “It was nice meeting you, have a great day.” If she wasn’t AMAZING then you shouldn’t go out with her again. You should find a new woman and go on a date with her instead. It can feel tremendously awkward to just leave a girl without any suggestion of a future but that’s what you need to do. Pull off the bandaid with one swift yank. Be honest. It will hurt her but she’s a big girl. She’ll get over it. If the situation were reversed (and it will be, sooner or later) you want her to be honest with you.

Hug (or maybe kiss, depending on how well the date went) goodbye and move on to the rest of your day. Heck, if you’re really efficient, you might even move on to another date with a different girl. The point is you’re getting in, finding out what you need to know, and then either moving forward to Date 2 or starting again at Date 1 with a new girl.

Conclusion

Remember these tips to ace your first date:

  • Have the Right Mindset
  • Keep it Short
  • Keep it Inexpensive
  • Make Sure it’s Public
  • Choose an Interesting Venue
  • Prepare Great Conversation
  • Watch for IOIs
  • Be Sexual, Not Neutered
  • End the Date and Move Forward

For lots more in-depth information about setting up an amazing evening, getting even more physical and preparing her (and yourself) for great sex, watch for part two of this article The Second Date coming soon. If you haven’t already signed up, make sure to subscribe below to have The Second Date and all our great material delivered directly to your inbox – all for free!

Be good, have fun and remember, Stay Superior!



Photo by Christin Hume on Unsplash


 

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Jathan
Jathan is passionate about helping create a community of great men. He enjoys beautiful women, altered states and Monty Python jokes. He lives in San Diego with two cats and a lot of books. Email him anytime at [email protected]