Should You Stop Watching Porn?

Welcome back to Part Two of our series on pornography. We will be referencing Part One so make sure you read that before going any further.

Last week we talked about how each man’s sexuality is different than everyone else. It’s important we reiterate that fact. Some of you are virgins. Some of you come from very strict conservative or religious backgrounds. Some of you may have had traumas in the past. Some of you haven’t had any training whatsoever about sex. Whatever your perspective, your beliefs are important. Sexual ethics are subjective, contextual and may be significantly different depending on the circumstances. We’re not here to judge. That said, there are five Porn Zones that everyone should be aware of when viewing sexually explicit media. Last week we covered the Green and Yellow Zones.

Five Porn Zones

Green Zone

Generally speaking, the Green Zone is when you’re single by choice. If you don’t have a partner, sooner or later your hardwired biology will become undeniable. It’s only natural to use pictures (drawings, movies, etc) of naked women to help out on occasion.

Yellow Zone

The Yellow Zone is when you’re in a relationship. Because of the nature of women, this zone is a bit more complicated. The key is making sure you have an honest conversation about pornography (aka The Talk) with your partner as soon as possible. Many ladies are cool with erotica and some will even enjoy watching with you but not all women will. If your girl absolutely refuses it’s very important that you know so you can make some informed decisions about your future together (or perhaps apart).

Note: If your girl insists that you never watch porn, keep reading to the bottom of this article for a great alternative that she’s guaranteed to love.

The Orange Zone

This is when you’re single, lonely and you watch naked women instead of going out and getting a real relationship of your own. There are two major problems with the Orange Zone. The first is that it sucks. It’s draining, demoralizing and ultimately depressing. Staying here won’t help you and it won’t give all the great women out there a chance to meet you. The other problem with this state of mind is that if you’re here for too long you’re almost guaranteed to end up in the Red Zone.

The Red Zone 

Unless you’re watching the NFL, this is not a where you want to be. Guys end up in the Red Zone when they ignore their heart, their conscience and sometimes their health. If you’re here, it’s time to hit the reset button. Consider doing a No-Fap Challenge or at the very least cutting out all pornography for a month or more. 

How do you know if you’re in the Red Zone?

1. You’re watching porn but your partner doesn’t know

Beyond all the ways you could potentially be hurting your girl, the biggest problem here is your lack of self-respect. If you can’t be honest with the woman you’re with, chances are you can’t be honest in any area of your life. Stand up for your beliefs and have The Talk. Then you can make the necessary choices for your relationship.

2. You’re feeling guilty

Far too many men are taught that masturbation, sex and physical intimacy are bad. We are brainwashed to feel shame, guilt and depression for our natural instincts. Fuck that! Our sexual drive is one of the core elements that make us men. The male sex hormone Testosterone drives us to greatness. Remove it from a man and he becomes weak and small, without ambition, purpose or passion. Men should revel in their sexuality and their love of women.

Unfortunately, sometimes that bullshit brainwashing can be very hard to erase. In those cases, pornography can lead to feeling scared, sad, angry, depressed or even that we’re fundamentally broken. The answer to overcoming this faulty teaching isn’t to watch more porn – it’s connecting with a real woman. When you experience genuine chemistry with a cute, fun, sexual woman you can start to realize that sex is actually an awesome experience that’s meant to bring you great joy.

3. You’re violating your belief system

Some of you don’t agree with pornography. Perhaps it’s because of your religious beliefs, perhaps it’s your cultural training. Perhaps you’ve read about sex trafficking. Perhaps you’ve had the talk with your wife or girlfriend and she convinced you it’s bad. It doesn’t matter why, the bottom line is that you believe pornography is immoral, unhealthy or just plain wrong.

But for some reason you watch it anyway. You may hate it, you may hate yourself, you may even get so crazy that you go to extremes to try and stop yourself. It doesn’t matter. A few days, or weeks, or months later you’re back in front of your computer with a kleenex, some lube and a horrible feeling in your gut.

In this case, it’s very important to spend some time seriously analyzing both your belief system and your sexuality in order to find a functional compromise. As you look for that balance, make sure you factor in your body’s natural sex drive. Remember, no matter how strong your willpower is, it cannot overcome your basic biological needs. In the fight between biology and dogma, biology will always win in the end.

4. It’s negatively affecting your life

Once upon a time porn was fun. Co-eds wriggled out of their jeans. Naked breasts bounced. Little hotties giggled and squealed and moaned just for you. The best part of your day was that 15 minutes when everyone had left the house and you could finally spend some quality alone time.

Not anymore. Now you’d rather stay home than go out. You’re tired and cranky. Your girlfriend is plain-looking and boring in bed. Not only that, women in general seem to be bitches who are really only good for one thing. For the first time in your life, you’re starting to understand that Mick Jagger song.

The PornMatrix has you, Neo. It’s time you woke up. Pornography is the same as alcohol: It is absolutely possible to have too much. The same way an excess of booze can damage your liver and brain, excess porn can affect your viewpoint of the world. In that case it’s time to shut off the tv and internet, close the Playboy, get out of the house and start living your life again.

The Black Zone

There may come a time in your life when things have spiraled out of control and you find you have lost your center. Don’t judge yourself too harshly. It can happen. The important thing is that you get yourself back on track right away. Too much time in this zone can cause irreparable damage to yourself or others. Find a professional counselor with training in sex addiction and get the help you need.

How do you know you’re in the Black Zone?

1. You can’t stop yourself from watching

No matter what you do, you still find yourself back in front of the computer. Even if you don’t want to, even if you hate yourself, even if your body is literally in pain, you cannot stop.

At this point you need to accept that you’re addicted. Your brain has been rewired, your pleasure centers have been distorted and your neurology requires a hit of porn in order for you to feel even slightly normal. Porn can be as addictive as heroin so don’t try to quit by yourself. Talk to people that you trust – your family, friends and above all a therapist trained in sex addiction. Remember, you’re not alone and you can break the cycle. If you need a listening ear, feel free to email Jathan or Matt anytime .

2. You’re viewing unethical material

This should be obvious but it’s worth mentioning anyway. If the girls on your screen are genuinely mistreated, underage or are in any way being forced to do something against their will, stop watching immediately and call your local therapist. Your sexuality has been damaged somewhere along the line and more porn will only make it worse. Get professional counseling before it’s too late.

The good news is that no matter where you are, the guys here at Superior Men believe that if you do the work you can find your way back to a great sex life with a beautiful woman (or four, if that’s your thing.) We also believe that a great sex life includes regular viewing of nudity, even if your culture or religion forbids pornography. So how is that possible?

Porn for Girls (and Guys) Who Don’t Believe In Porn

Let’s say you’re married. You finished reading Part One, you had The Talk and your wife absolutely refuses to let you watch porn. Yet your desire to see a naked woman isn’t going away until probably sometime in your 90s. So what’s a good, responsible, healthy, horny guy supposed to do?

It’s simple.

Make your own porn.

Your wife has a sexy body. You love doing all those fun things with her (and to her). You enjoy seeing naked pics and movies. Now it’s time to literally make your own spank bank.

Get your phone – or better yet, get a real camera. Grab some lights and set up a few mirrors. Go shopping for some new outfits and toys. Pull out the massage table. Turn on Skype. Fire up your Snapchat. You have the actors, you have the chemistry, now put it into action.

Experiment. Play. Have fun. And record everything. Years from now you’ll have built a library of amazing episodes that the two of you can access anytime you want. Just make sure you keep all those files in a very, very safe place.

Stay Superior!


Cover photo by Corin Andrade from Pexels

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Jathan
Jathan is passionate about helping create a community of great men. He enjoys beautiful women, altered states and Monty Python jokes. He lives in San Diego with two cats and a lot of books. Email him anytime at [email protected]

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