Everyone texts. You might even have a text that came in as you are reading this sentence. Maybe you are a member is a dreaded group text. I know I have several I got sucked into for school or sports for the kids. You text your spouse and you text your girlfriend (hopefully, not at the same time). But odds are you are texting the wrong way. Do you know how to text girls?
Most people are glued to their phones. As soon as a text comes in they rush to answer it, apologize if they respond late or stress about replying until the text is sent. Thankfully you can use this knowledge for good.
Texting strips out most of the information being communicated and leaves only the words. In communication, there are three main components:
- The actual words we say (or type)
- The way we say the words (sarcasm, loud, soft, etc)
- Our body language and facial expressions
All three are very important, but you might be a bit surprised as to the importance of each. According to Dr. Albert Mehrabian, our communication is broken down into the 7-38-55% rule. 55% is our body language, 38% is the way we say the words, and only 7% is the actual words themselves. 7 per-fucking-cent.
The WASM Law of Texting:
What can be misinterpreted, will be misinterpreted.
When you text you strip away 93% of the communication and then try to replace it with LOL or little emoji’s. Sometimes it works; for anything important, it does not. Take a look at this clip by Bill Burr where no means no?
You don’t want a bad reading. So let’s talk about how to text girls the right way, instead of the wrong way. After all, texting isn’t going anywhere. First off:
This is mistake #1. Since everyone has their phones attached to them like a strange electronic umbilical cord, it may seem natural to respond to someone as soon as they message you. You may even do this when you are in the middle of something else important, you know, like driving. When learning how to text girls, rule #1 is don’t always be available.
For some of you this is incredibly easy, for others extremely difficult. Whether right or wrong, the assumption is that if the person texts you right back then they don’t have anything else going on. Or the text conversation is the most important thing for them at the time. If you are busy doing something fun, do you text right back? No. You are busy enjoying your life.
Texting is also like a drug. It gives some people a quick fix, some quick attention, a validation for their existence. When learning how to text girls, you may get sucked into responding back right away, or worse, make her think she is always the most important thing you have going on. Don’t always be available and don’t always reply back.
Don’t get sucked into long discussions or arguments via text. Just don’t. Save discussions for the phone or in person and NEVER have a fight or argument via text. Because of how much of the communication process is lost when you only have the words to go by, odds are you or her will drastically misinterpret what the other said. No matter if you are just getting to know a girl or this is an established relationship or friendship, the rule still applies. Never argue via text.
But I’m getting a little ahead of myself here. First things first. What about if you just got a hotties phone number or other contact info? What do you do then?
Texting Before a Relationship
This part is some of the easiest advice here, but many guys (including myself years ago) don’t like to listen to it. Until you have an established relationship/friendship etc, texting is for logistics only. I’ll repeat that.
At the beginning, TEXTING IS FOR LOGISTICS ONLY!!
So what does that mean? Use texting (or whatever IM app you use) to plan where and when the next meet will be. This should be your default mode for everyone, no just when learning how to text girls. This default will serve you very well and will prevent MANY misunderstandings along the way.
Texting her more at this point lets demonstrates that you will be available in whatever time frame she sets. This isn’t a good place to be.
Texting After a Relationship is Established
This one is a little less straight forward. There is some very easy care and feeding you can do for the relationship with texting. Just a quick “Thinking of you” or something similar is fantastic. This isn’t something that should be done every day like some sort of obligatory message. It also should evolve into a discussion, etc. Also, this is something your partner should do for you as well. If she never replies or sends messages to you like this, then it probably isn’t important to her.
In a relationship you will have more text conversation than with someone you just met, but since you’ve been together a while they know your sarcasm, your word choices, etc, and there will be less room for misinterpretation than with someone you don’t know well.
While in a relationship use texting for:
- Quick notes
- Anything that is direct and unambiguous
It’s still important that even though you are in a relationship it does not mean you throw the first two rules out the window. Don’t always be available and NEVER argue via text. If you feel a fight beginning to brew, end it short and tell her you’ll discuss it later in person, then go radio silent. Remember the WASM Law of Texting: What can be misinterpreted, will be misinterpreted.
Other Texting Tips
There’s a reason emoji’s are so popular, they (attempt to) convey the “way we say things” and make up for the other 38% of communication we are missing. I like using them instead of words at times. Like the wife asks what’s for dinner, and I respond with
They are fun and playful, just don’t get carried away. Less is more.
In-person – PUT YOUR FUCKING PHONE AWAY
I hope this goes without saying, but sadly, too often it does not. When you are with someone, give them your full attention. It’s a hard pass if a girl can’t stay off her phone for 10 mins. I expect her to give me her attention and I do the same for her.
Don’t Double Text
Double texting is when you send a message and then send another before the other person responds. I had a hard time choosing an example because there are sooooo many. Looks like people can’t get out of their own way. Read this guy’s attempt to woo a girl…
This almost hurts to read. Clearly, he’s interested but keeps getting in his own way. The only time it’s ok to double text is when you wrote the wrong word or autocorrect strikes. Someone will get back to you if they are interested. If not, they won’t.
Golden ratio of 3:2
This is likely the most important extra texting tip, and something you can extend into all of your communication. The rule is for every three words she says, you say two. Or extend it out a bit to conversations, if she talks for three minutes, you talk for two. This strategy has a few benefits. #1 if you are a nervous talker or a chatty Cathy you’ll be forced to Shut The Fuck Up (STFU). #2 If you find it hard to talk, this will push you to talk a bit more. #3 it lets her talk more and not get sick of you talking all the time.
This keeps her interested and gives her ample opportunity to speak. If she is a quieter person you are talking less, which she will probably also enjoy. It also forces you to pay attention to the communication, hopefully making you a better listener.
Ultimately texting is a poor substitute for phone or in-person interaction. Even if you know the other person well there is a high chance for misinterpretation via text. If you don’t know the person well or haven’t met, then misinterpretation is nearly certain.
Don’t try to woo someone or prove a point. Don’t try to show her how awesome and funny you can be. Odds are the point will be missed and you’ll come off like an ass even when you aren’t trying to be one. Remember that only 7% of communication is the actual words you use.