There has been some hand wringing and disagreement recently amongst men and women concerning the gender pay gap. According to a recent study, only 46% of men and 30% of women are sane on this issue. These people understand that although very sexy and flashy to say that women make less than men do, it does nothing to solve the problem. That Is why I decided to write a how-to guide on avoiding the gender pay gap altogether. I will list the five steps everyone can take in order to not become another statistic.
If you’d like to read a less tongue in cheek article, I’d suggest reading this one here.
First a couple of facts, overall, men earn more than women earn. Women with children earn less than women without children. Men with children earn more than men without children. All of this is fair, and all of it makes complete sense.
Women who have children tend to be the primary caretakers, and thus earn less. In the ever decreasing two-parent household, if one person earns less, the other has to make up for it and earn more. This also explains why men with children earn more money.
Now for a little history, in the United States, a law was passed in 1963 called the Equal Pay Act. This law made it illegal to pay people differently for the same work within a given company. But what constitutes the same work? Experience, education, extra work, vacation/sick/medical time? We’ll take a look at those.
So here goes, the five steps to eliminate the gender pay gap once and for all.
Gone are the days where you get to choose your degree, from now on we go by the motto “From each according to
his Zim/Zer ability, to each according to his They/Them/Their need”. No more frivolous degrees that have no basis in the modern working world. A B.A. in Medieval underwater basket weaving is right out. We now strive for exact equal 50/50 representation in EVERY course of study. Engineering? Yep, gone are the days where the overwhelming majority of degree earners are men, women have to step it up and join. Same goes for early childhood development, which is heavily dominated by women. Men have to step up and care for the children.
In order for us to eliminate the pay gap, that pesky personal choice thing has got to go. Does it matter your natural ability? Does it matter that you don’t enjoy it? Not. One. Bit. This is for the greater good remember? After all, according to progressive thinking, we are all the same anyway.
Experience is absolutely overrated, isn’t it? Just because you’ve been a chef for 10 years doesn’t mean you know any more than the recent graduate of culinary school does it? We certainly shouldn’t pay you any more for your knowledge and expertise. All that time you have spent honing in on your craft won’t matter, everyone is
equal the same.
If you do the work you should earn the money, if you are brand new you DESERVE it. That employer OWES it to you. After all, you are gracing them with your mostly on time presence.
We all agree that your employer owns you right? Afterall you are basing your worth as a person solely on your paycheck. They should be able to force you to stay and work unpaid overtime on projects. Long gone are the days where volunteers will step up to the plate and go the extra mile. That kind of system just isn’t fair!
We must implement a system where the extra work is doled out evenly or in order. Oh, you are sick? Emergency? Yea that won’t fly. After all, we are all equals here, if it’s your time, then you MUST do it. Obligations be damned. By the way, we are instituting a new time off policy, you must work 5-6 days a week depending on your employers need unless your employer decides to grant you with (minimal) time off when convenient to them.
Speaking of employment, you also must not switch careers or change employers. After all, everyone is equal and must have the EXACT SAME conditions.
4. Don’t Have Children
This also should go without saying, since men earn more when they have children and women earn less when they have children, let us stop that pesky trend. You will be sterilized before puberty (just so we don’t have any accidents).
We also don’t want to provide men with any reason to work harder, and women an excuse to stay home. Children are just a distraction from work anyway. Work should be your focus, your all-consuming goal.
5. Work Until You Die
Currently, women retire earlier than men do, this must end! We need to MANDATE that all men and women work until at least their 70’s – putting in an equal 50 years or so of work before they are granted the benefit of retiring. No longer should you get to decide when is the best time to retire. Optimally you wouldn’t be allowed any sort of retirement.
There you have it, the five ways to fix the gender pay gap. Just remove personal choice and anything about the individual and it’s perfect! This is how to achieve an equal outcome and completely ignore the annoying notion of equal opportunity.
Clearly, we need to stop judging the other gender, based solely on employment. In marriage the husband and wife are a team, trade-offs are made constantly based on what’s best for the family. Just because the husband works more hours, and makes more money in no way diminishes the myriad contributions made by the wife. This isn’t a competition between the sexes, this should be cooperation with the sexes. Men and women are different, and in that difference there is beauty.
Remember all you special snowflakes – Stay Superior!