Recently I went on a date with a smokin’ Italian girl. Picture this:
She has big brown eyes, a low-cut shirt and a tight little body. We’re flirting like crazy and she can’t keep her hands off me. I lead her outside the bar and we start making out pretty good. Suddenly my lip starts burning and I can taste copper. Yanking away, I reach into my mouth and find my fingers are covered in red. This bloodsucker just bit me. Hard.
“What the hell!” I yell at her. “Did you seriously just do that?”
Instead of apologizing, she gives me a naughty smile.
“What is it stud?” she purrs. “You don’t like it a little rough?”
Call me old-fashioned but unless you’re a phlebotomist, drawing blood is one of my hard limits. Needless to say, that was the end of my experience with the sexy Italian vampire.
Ah those hot crazy chicks. We’ve all been there. Sure, they look fantastic on the surface but don’t turn your back or you might end up with a switchblade in it. Today we’re going to explore the wild world of women who are, one way or another, all kinds of dangerous. Be warned, gentlemen: Beyond this point there be dragons!
All Women Are Crazy
Before we go any further, it’s very important you watch the following video so we’re all speaking the same language. The Hot/Crazy Matrix was developed in 2014 by Dana McLendon, a Tennessee Lawyer who is truly a genius. Now it must be said that nothing in this graph is original. Wise men have been passing down these great truths for years. But McLendon’s Matrix consolidates and distills the information so well that we truly believe every man needs to learn it by heart. Plus it’s funny as hell.
One of the keys to the Hot/Crazy Matrix (H/CM) is that it starts all women at a 4-Crazy (unless, of course, she’s a tranny). As we’ve said many times before, men and women are biologically different. Men are ruled and motivated by logic, women are ruled and motivated by emotion. For this reason, a good percentage of the things your woman says or does at any given time are probably not going to make sense to you. Generally speaking, the better you know your woman (understand her parents, her emotional triggers, her mood swings, her sexuality, etc) the less crazy she will seem. But she’s still at least a 4-Crazy.
Hot as Fuuuuu
Beautiful women are universally appreciated by men. The well-formed and healthy female body has no equal in nature. Heck, even gay men surround themselves with gorgeous girls. Every guy wants a hot chick around. Like gravity or taxes, it’s just the way the world works.
There are many upsides of a beautiful woman. In addition to her obvious attributes, she regularly works out, she eats well and takes good care of her body, her energy level is much higher than less-fit women, she’s learned fashion skills and presents herself well, she has a naturally high social status and many other assets.
However, beauty comes at a high price both figuratively and literally. Because of the way females are biologically wired, a very attractive woman will require a lot more work. You will be competing with many other men for her attention which means you never get a day off. You will have to be strong, confident and have your shit together. Maintaining all that beauty also costs money so you’ll be paying for gym memberships, healthier food, hair salons, nail salons, waxing and makeup. This also includes the endless possibilities of clothing, shoes and accessories. And then there’s kids…. In short, very soon you’re going to need a GREAT job so your beautiful wife stays beautiful, lives in a beautiful home and provides you with beautiful children.
From Cutie to Cray Cray
Unfortunately, there are more and even greater challenges when dating a super-hot woman in the 21st century. It’s a sad fact that modern women in the Instagram-era are often manipulative and have boundary issues. As we’ve said, females are biologically motivated by their emotions. They do what feels appropriate in the moment. Because physical beauty is a tremendous asset, starting in their early teen years most girls find they are catered to simply because of their attractiveness. They’re invited to attend all the cool parties, get pursued by all the hot guys and have exponentially more opportunities than other girls. Life’s good when you’re hot.
This means that unless she was lucky enough to have excellent parents who taught her solid moral values, our young hottie is probably going turn out to be a selfish, spoiled little princess who knows that guys will do whatever she wants. Why? Because, like it or not, that’s what most guys naturally do when they’re around hot chicks.
And all of this doesn’t begin to cover the host of issues generated by mentally or emotionally unhealthy parents. No matter how desirable she is, without a solid mother and father this girl will experience bad boundaries, inconsistent or non-existent punishment, manipulation, repressed or disturbed sexuality, passive/aggressive behavior and hundreds of other potential issues up to and including various forms of abuse.
No wonder dating is a minefield!
So how do you determine how crazy/hot your girl is? There are three basic categories of crazy/hotness. Think of them like levels of hot sauce. There’s Regular Hot Sauce, Extra Spicy and Insane Volcano.
Regular Hot (Normal Crazy)
Regular Hot is your well-adjusted hot girl who has some basic mood swings, gets highly illogical for several days every month and cries occasionally while watching movies (or when you fuck up and forget her birthday). She has no problem telling you off if you’re being a dick but she’ll melt in your arms if you treat her well. This woman is confident, fun, interesting, socially literate and somewhat sexually outgoing.
For nine out of ten guys, the Regular Hot girl is more than enough to keep him satisfied.
Extra Spicy (Wild Child)
If you’re a guy who likes a real challenge, you want an Extra Spicy girl. This pistol has a much sharper range of mood swings and will kick your ass in a second if you turn your back on her. Just like a strong young filly, the Wild Child is exciting, adventurous and often heedless of her effect on people (or the damage done to them). In order for her to be happy, the Extra Spicy girl must have a man who is always in control of her and himself.
The Extra Spicy girl requires more maintenance, more stimulation, more time and more work. She’s loud, passionate, often reckless and highly prone to emotional instability. She’s also willing to do things most girls would never attempt, both in life and in the bedroom.
While most men can’t handle them, a small fraction of cowboys will never be satisfied without a Wild Child.
Insane Volcano (Psycho B)
This is true crazyland. Here’s where you find your strippers, your hairdressers and any girl named Tiffany. We’ve all dated a girl (or three) in this category. Just like a minefield, the biggest problem with Psycho Bitches is you rarely know they’re about to explode until it’s too late.
For example, I went on a few dates with this one girl (let’s call her Ginger) who was a belly-dancer. Damn Ginger knew how to use her hips! Highly recommended skill, btw. Get a girl like this if you can. Anyway, it turned out that Ginger worked late so we could only hang out around midnight. That was fine with both of us because we didn’t intend on leaving the bedroom. Somewhere around Date #4 we finally went out during the day and I was horrified to notice that she was missing her eyelashes. Out of perhaps 5,000 eyelashes she had maybe 25 left. What the hell had happened?
“I pluck them,” she told me. “It’s kinda weird, huh?”
I nodded, unable to stop staring at her spooky, lashless face.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I know, I know. It’s a bad habit. But don’t worry, I only do it when I feel like cutting myself. My psychiatrist says this is a much healthier habit.”
Considering how many eyelashes she had left, Ginger obviously spent a LOT of time thinking about razorblades. Unfortunately, I was so hung up on the exciting sex with a belly dancer that I didn’t even notice she was genuinely crazy until we’d been dating for almost a month.
Then when I broke things off she totally went off the deep end. There were tears. Screaming. Dozens of voice messages. Disturbing texts. Threats were made. More eyelashes were pulled. At one point she called the cops – either on me or herself I’m still not sure. It was…a mess.
In hopes that I can help you avoid some of the chaos (and occasionally genuine danger) of dating a gorgeous Insane Volcano, here is a quick list of things to watch for. If she’s exhibiting any of these qualities, it doesn’t matter how good she is at blowjobs it’s time for you to bail.
1. Insecure About Her Life
Just like men, all women have a few things they’d like to improve about themselves. It’s part of the whole “being human” thing. Miss Insecurity, however, is on a whole other level. She may be beautiful on the outside but inside she’s a whole bottle of paranoia. If you find your girl is regularly worried about how ugly she is, her lack of intelligence, her terrible job, her future, her relationship with you or overall life in general, watch out. This woman is miserable. If you stay with her she’s going to make sure you’re miserable too. Leave quickly before you lose your marbles.
2. Convinced You’re Going To Cheat
If a girl can’t trust you it means one of two things: A) Someone else cheated on her, or B) she cheated on someone else. Either way it’s a sign she’s not stable. Relationships are based on trust. If she’s not willing to trust you, you can’t trust her. Move on.
3. Requires Gifts But Doesn’t Give Any In Return
This kind of girl is selfish, plain and simple. No matter how hot she is, sooner or later this emotional vampire will bleed you dry and then leave in search of another victim. Don’t let her in your house or your life.
4. Doesn’t Want You To Spend Time With Anyone But Her
For people to be healthy they need a good social life with multiple friends. This is true for both men and women. Fear that you’ll be happy with anyone but her is a sign of severe co-dependency. A well-adjusted woman will never make you choose between her and your good friends.
5. Jealous of Other Women, Especially Attractive Ones
If she’s always comparing herself to other women, or even worse asking you to judge who’s hotter, your girl has a serious problem with self-confidence. Sadly, no amount of compliments will make a bit of difference to this chick. Like the name implies, self-confidence can only come from within. Don’t date a woman until she’s already found it on her own.
6. Doesn’t Have Good Relationships With Her Girlfriends
A woman without good female friends is socially awkward, unstable and incomplete. Worse, she will either attempt to make you fill that friendship void (which is impossible) or she’ll fill it with beta-satellite guys who will stay in the friend-zone for years hoping to bang your superhot lady. Neither choice is acceptable. No matter what happened to make her this way, a woman without girlfriends is an unhappy woman who will quickly make you an unhappy man.
7. Too Many Texts/Calls/FB Msgs/DMs/Etc.
Good communication is the key to a healthy relationship. Too much communication is the key to a gigantic headache. If she’s texts you 20 times, leaves multiple voice messages and then posts on your FB page just to see how you’re doing, it’s obvious this girl has the maturity of a seven-year-old. It may be fun when she calls you “Daddy” but it’s less fun when she’s keys your car after an argument. And can you imagine the excitement when you break things off? Let this woman down quickly and gently. Then run like hell.
8. No Life of Her Own (No Job, No Hobbies, No Skills)
It may sound like a lot of fun to have a hot sex-slave who stays at home and lives to please you. Isn’t this every guy’s dream? Unfortunately, unless you’re only interested in sex and nothing else, having literally nothing to talk about and zero common interests is gonna get old quickly. Plus if she has nothing going on in her own life she’s going to be desperate for you to make her happy – and desperate girls are not stable. Not at all. The girl with no life is waving a giant red flag imprinted with the words ‘Stay Away.’
9. Chronic Complainer
Just to be clear, we’re not talking about when your woman occasionally bitches about her backstabbing co-workers, her psychotic mother or her best friend’s asshole husband. This female is a black hole of negativity. If you take her on a date, she hates the food at the restaurant, thinks the decor is ugly, whines about traffic, her neck hurts and she’s worried her hair got ruined in the rain. And don’t even get her started on politics, religion or minorities. Avoid the Chronic Complainer like the plague she is.
10. Rude To Other People (Waiters, Tech Support, Other Drivers, Etc.)
Malcolm Forbes said “You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.” Kindness, compassion and empathy are right at the top of the list of qualities you want in a woman. Be aware: If she’s sweet to you but mean to the little people, it’s only a matter of time until she’s treating you like yesterday’s garbage.
11. Ridiculous Mood Swings
You may have met Super Emotional Girl before. She’s crying one minute, laughing like a hyena the next. She’s too depressed to get out of bed, then she’s reorganizing the pantry alphabetically. Everyone hates her and she has no friends, then she’s dancing at the club surrounded by girlfriends. Oh and there’s almost always some anti-depressants involved. Super Emotional Girl may be lots of fun sometimes but this is a roller coaster you don’t want to ride. Get off at the next stop and don’t look back.
12. References Exes Too Often
Unless you and your girl are both thirteen years old, you’ve both dated other people. This means that as you spend more time with each other the two of you are inevitably going to reference old relationships. This is totally normal. Our romantic relationships make up our life history. However, if she KEEPS talking about her exes that means that not only are these dudes still a part of her life, she’s probably banging one or several of them (or hoping to). Cut things off with her quickly and find a girl who only wants you.
13. Unfair In Arguments
This one is a little challenging because unless you both enjoy spirited debate you’re probably not going to argue until you’re already in a relationship. Still it’s a good idea to pay attention to how she handles disagreements. If she can’t accept responsibility for mistakes, refuses to apologize, quietly holds grudges, randomly unleashes her anger or in general fights unfairly, it’s a good sign that she’s emotionally stunted. Conflict is an important part of any intimate relationship. If she can’t disagree in a healthy way you’re in for a long and painful journey ahead.
14. Victim Mentality
This is a cancer of the soul. Believing you’re a victim removes all possibility of responsibility and all hope of change. If a woman ever tells you her problems “aren’t her fault” or says “there’s nothing she can do” you need to leave immediately. A strong, healthy woman is proactive and optimistic. She makes things happen. If her situation is bad, she improves it. If painful things happen, she starts working on fixing them. The second you find out a woman has a victim mentality is the second you should end the relationship.
15. Lies, Lies and More Lies
If you ever catch a woman lying you better look around because you’re standing in quicksand. Trust is the foundation of your relationship. Even if you’re only looking for a booty call, you still need to know that she’s disease-free, won’t steal from you and isn’t married to a psychotic UFC fighter. If a woman isn’t being honest with you she doesn’t belong in your life. Period.
As you’re meeting and dating beautiful women, make sure to keep your eyes open for any signs of crazy. It’s a million times better to cut things off now than to suddenly realize your wife and mother of your two children is a psychotic beast from hell. Best of luck to you gentlemen!
Be good, have fun and remember, Stay Superior!