Confidence

Previous Installment – Body

What is confidence? It’s a word we all know and at times we have all demonstrated it. Defined as: the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust. Confidence can really be broken down into two areas, intrinsic and extrinsic. Intrinsic meaning within yourself and extrinsic meaning with others. As superior men we must be able to rely on ourselves as well as wisely choose people to to have confidence in. As I grow older I am more selective with the latter category.

Good Words, Bad Words

Take a look at the following terms, what sort of emotions do they evoke? Do they have positive or negative connotations? Which of these words do you identify with?

• Bold
• Courageous
• Positive
• Self-reliant

or

• Afraid
• Cowardly
• Depressed
• Fearful

The first set are synonyms for confidence, the second set are antonyms. At times we all have felt and expressed every one of these terms but what we do with that emotion is the important part. If you are a husband and/or a father do your interactions with your wife and kids fit more in the first list or the second? More on this later.

Why Is Confidence Important?

As I wrote earlier the degree in which we have confidence in ourselves has tremendous impact with all of our social interactions. A very old subconscious part of our monkey hive brain determines where we rank in the social hierarchy. This primitive brain triggers certain chemical reactions which elevate or depress our mood and highly influence the voice in the back of our head. You know, that voice that says you shouldn’t bother with this because it will just end with embarrassment, or, conversely the voice that propels you forward to achieve great things.

Cocksure

Your “self-esteem” is really a measure of self-confidence or self-assuredness. Since self-esteem has a poppsychology feel to it, I’ll use the term cocksure. People will tell you that you need to be the nice guy, go with the flow, etc. There certainly times where this is appropriate but when it comes to trusting yourself and your abilities you should ALWAYS be cocksure. It all comes down to this important question: If you have no confidence in yourself why should I? In the confidence spectrum you should always err on the side of boldness rather than timidity. Others are more apt to overlook a bold move that falls short rather than a timid move executed perfectly. Just think of Elon Musk and Sir Richard Branson with their cocksure behavior vs all those other guys who you have never heard of who played it safe. Exactly.

Relationships

Your success in relationships is a two way street: your ability to connect with the other person and their ability to connect with you. Once you are confident in yourself you can start to branch out with others. For some this will mean dropping those relationships which are of no value to you. Previously you have taken whatever was given to you but now with a cocksure attitude you won’t take any of that shit anymore. For some relationships you will need to redefine them, others will need to be eliminated altogether. Both options are necessary and should be considered at all times.

Finding What Works

In reconsidering existing relationships and discovering new ones, care must be exercised in not going to far to one extreme or the other. You may find that others are more attracted to you with your newfound sense of confidence. Being confident does not mean being a jerk to other people. If they aren’t worth your time, so be it. The important thing is you are sure of yourself and therefore you can make better decisions for your life.

What Confidence Looks Like vs What It Doesn’t

Maintain Frame

In the manosphere a lot of discussion deals with the concept of “maintaining frame.” If you haven’t come across this term it really has to do with holding your own and not getting sucked into the beliefs, ideas, emotions, etc. of others. You stay true to yourself and are that rock for others to count on. A man who is cocksure will not buckle under external pressure, he will hold true to himself and to his values. Frame is about confidence and being sure in your decisions.

This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Hamlet Act 1, scene 3, 78–82

How To Gain Confidence

Body

Having a body you’re not embarrassed by, for starters, is a great confidence booster. If you need some help getting started read about proper diet and exercise here. Once you push through and are able to achieve your goals, those small victories will propel you forward and encourage bigger changes.

Style

Dressing better makes you feel better. It affects your mood, your confidence and almost all of your social interactions. Do yourself a favor and upgrade your wardrobe. Or at the very least, use your existing wardrobe in a better way.

Attitude

This one is huge and won’t cost you anything. Change your mindset, change your life. Study after study as well as just common sense tells us that improving your attitude has profound effects on how others view us. Why not start here, I’m told it will only take 3 seconds.

Remember, Confidence Is Sexy.

Be Confident, Be Superior!

Up Next – Integrity, The Missing Piece

Photo by Mariya Georgieva on Unsplash